


this is NOT what happened in the empire strikes back.

by hanorganaas



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Banter, Cosplay, Cunnilingus, F/M, Geek Love, Gift Fic, Humor, Nerd sex, Sexual Roleplay, Smut, gracious star wars references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-08
Updated: 2016-04-08
Packaged: 2018-06-01 00:51:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6494356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanorganaas/pseuds/hanorganaas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phil and Melinda had done some wild, adventurous and strange things in the bedroom, but when they engage in bedroom roleplay this had to top the cake.</p>
            </blockquote>





	this is NOT what happened in the empire strikes back.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ddagent](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ddagent/gifts).



> So a while a go I got a request in my inbox by MelindaTheCavalryMay for Phil and Melinda to dress up as Han and Leia and have Sex. Knowing my good friend Kelly [DDAGENT]'s bday coming up and was fellow Han and Leia and Philinda Trash and in dire need for Philinda Smut I thought this idea would be PERFECT for a Bday gift so technically this Present is a bit from Mico too XD
> 
> Anyway Kelly you are a friggin amazing friend. You stuck by me even at my worst, always running when I am upset and you are just incredible. Don't ever doubt yourself and so many people love you. Happy Birthday!!!

Phil and Melinda’s sessions in the bedroom were rather….varied. Not that Phil actually cared, he had plenty of sexual partners in his day, men and women but they were as Melinda put it rather vanilla. Boring, doing the typical foreplay and fucking. Rosalind, was a little more adventurous with some ass grabbing in the middle of sex and smacking his bum encouraging him to go further, maybe a blow job or him eating her out here or there. 

With Melinda however, it must have been the decades since their last sexual encounter, they were exploring every sexual avenue they could get their hands on. Some nights they didn’t fuck at all and just used their hands. Other nights Phil spent hours with his face buried in between her legs causing Melinda’s toes to curl and her hands to grip the sheets. She would probably come three maybe four times that night. There were nights where he was tied to the bed and Melinda rode him like a horse. And then there were the nights that was his absolute favorite…..him taking her from behind. Phil had always been an ass man, and Melinda had the most perfect one….

But this….had to top the cake….

Phil didn’t know where the hell this idea came up. Maybe it was all the Star Wars hype thanks to the premiere of _The Force Awakens_ or Melinda’s big damn crush on Harrison Ford; but here he was Phillip J. Coulson, Director of S.H.I.E.L.D. and acting Director of the ACTU, strapped to a rolling adjustable stretcher, wearing a fucking Han Solo outfit he wore for Halloween years ago [ he was surprised the damn thing still looked good on him ]. If Hydra were to invade the base right now…instead of killing him...they would probably drag him out in this embarrassing display because that would make him suffer more.

“Melinda what’s taking you so long,” Phil called out, “You better not be wearing the slave Bikini. You know how much I hate the ghastly thing, a respectable woman like Princess Leia should not have worn it..”

“Huttslayer Bikini,” Melinda corrected from behind the door, “and I happen to like that thing. Considering a small 5’3 hurricane took down a two ton Slug. But since you don’t like it I decided not to wear it.”

“Well don’t tell me you are doing the cinnamon buns,” Phil rolled his eyes, “You don’t have to do them if it is hard for you…I like your hair down anyway.”

“Nope not that hair style cause I am not wearing that dress,” Melinda responded, “just finished up pulling up the dress and…..there….I am ready.”

Melinda cleared her throat and came out from behind the closet door and Phil’s mouth went…completely dry. It was favorite outfit Leia had wore, midway through _Return of the Jedi_ when she was in the Ewok village. For a moment he felt a bit of love knowing Melinda listened to what he liked, but then again, she was always good at that. She didn’t give him time to admire the outfit though. She went into character quicker than it took to set this ridiculous scene up. 

“Oh my Han you’re alive!” She exclaimed, she had this bright smile as if joy had been sucked for her for so long and now she had it back [ a giant metaphor for Melinda’s life actually ], “But I thought you died I felt it through the Force. I mean our ungrateful emo son stabbed you through the chest…” [ another metaphor ]

While she got the outfit on point she didn’t seem to get Leia’s characterization on point. After all, with Melinda’s risk taking and blunt humor, she was more like Han. But she INSISTED she was Leia in this little...bedroom roleplay. Again...it was probably the big damn crush she had on Harrison Ford. 

“I went to Tahiti,” Phil said bluntly highlighting the common situation he would have with the man if he indeed survive the encounter on the bridge [after all Star Wars had a history of people that fell down shafts coming back from the dead ], “it’s a magical place.” Melinda rolled her eyes, he sensed the comment _they don’t have TAHITI in a galaxy far, far away_ on the tip of her tongue. “But Snoke wasn’t happy about it...so he kidnapped me.”

“Well the Resistance is mounting a rescue mission,” Melinda said seriously. Now she sounded like Leia, she then reached for the straps and began to undo them. Phil thought he would she would take him in the stretcher, but it seemed Melinda had other plans, not that Phil minded, “Let’s get you out of here.”

“Oh Princess, Phil responded in a dreamy tone of voice.

“General,” Melinda corrected as she released the binds from his legs..

“Sorry GENERAL,” Phil said, “However could I repay you!”

“Well the Falcon is not that far from here,” Melinda said, “You could think of a repayment over there.” With a cry of surprise leaving her lips, Phil hoisted Melinda lifted her in his arms. “Hey! I am supposed to be rescuing you…”

“Sorry,” Phil said with a chuckle, “I am taking creative liberties here, besides you look really hot in that dress.”

Melinda rolled her eyes as Phil carried her, planting rough kisses on his lips. Had it been really in the Star Wars universe, it would have been a long arduous run dodging stormtroopers and maybe meeting their quote unquote “ungrateful emo son” but it was only a few steps to bed. He gently laid her down on as if she was precious cargo. His large hands gently hoisted her knees up, as he lifted her skirt. To his pleasant surprise, Melinda wasn’t wearing any underwear, leaving him easy access to her warm hot center.

“What are you doing Nerf Herder?” Melinda asked. She knew very well what he was doing, she just wanted to call him a Nerf Herder for effect. 

“Making an award fit for a princess,” Phil responded with a wink his hands brushed the inside of her her thighs.

“General,” Melinda corrected again. 

“You know I could just stop if you keep doing that,” He teased, “and you already seemed so fired-”

Melinda never let him finish his sentence. Her fingers laced through his hair and pushed it between her legs. The smell was intoxicating as his nose brushed up against her folds, letting a deep breath before he went full in. 

He started out slow, warm her up a bit before he got to the stuff she really liked. His tongue lapped up against the walls of her folds. She was already wet. He could taste the sweet taste of her causing his mouth to water as his nose brushed against her clit. His tongue moved up swirling around the sensitive bundle of nerves.

“Dammit Phil,” Melinda hissed under her breath, her fingers gripped onto his scalp.

Phil chuckled against her causing her shudder against his mouth.

“Breaking character are we?” He said.

Melinda still had the dominance of the woman she was quote unquote pretending to be and of course the upper hand [ what else was new ]. She pushed his head down further against her. This time Phil went harder wrapping his mouth around her clit. His tongue moving in and out basically fucking her. He drank it in, the taste, the screams turning to moans, her body tensing beneath him. 

Finally Melinda decided she had enough. She pulled him by the hair away from her and up to her mouth. As their lips collided, she maneuvered them both so she was on top. Phil often liked that, especially because he enjoyed watching her move wildly against him. She pulled away and began, to undo her dress, but he grabbed her hand.

“Wait I want you to keep it on as you ride me,” Phil said trying to catch his breath.

“Why so you can picture me as Carrie Fisher?” Melinda teased.

“Nah you just look really good in the dress,” He said with a smile as she straddled him, “You may not be as curvy as Carrie, but she’s not as hot as you..” 

“Aw,” Melinda responded with a grin as her hands started to undo his belt, “You may not be tall and have as much as hair as Harrison Ford but he’s definitely not as hot as you either.” 

Phil chuckled as his pants went down to his ankles. Moments later their bodies collided. It was fast, it was hard and just as hard as he liked it. Her body tight around his hardness as she thrust pushing him in further at each move. Lips slammed each other like asteroid collisions. Hands clumsy moving against each other almost ripping up their elaborated costumes. 

It wasn’t long until Phil came, Melinda following with a shout. When it was over she rolled over against him, cuddling up close running her hand against his chest exposed by the opening in his shirt. Phil busied himself running his fingers against her back.

“Well that was fun General,” Phil said.

“Irony you finally got it right once we broke character,” Melinda responded rolling her eyes.

Phil chuckled as he kissed her gently.

“Well I know one things for sure Melinda…”

“What?”

“I don’t think I am going to watch _Empire Strikes Back_ the same ever again after this…”

Melinda only responded by howling in laughter which Phil couldn’t help but join along. 

"I love you Phil..."

"I know Melinda."

**Author's Note:**

> If you ever want a gift for your birthday please don't hesitate to hit my inbox at Tumblr.
> 
> melindamaay.co.vu/ask


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